chapter TWENTYFIVE.

Serena was still laying on the couch sobbing softly when Lily came home. The elder blonde's eyebrows arched in concern as she took in the sight of her daughter and she quickly threw off her coat and rushed over to the side of the couch, kneeling down to look into Serena's big navy blue eyes. "What's wrong, dear?" she asked her daughter, her eyes seeming to pity both the young girl lying before her as well as herself.

And why wouldn't she be pitying herself? Serena thought about her mom. After all, she'd split up Lily and Rufus without any regards to either of their feelings or their relationship as a whole. . . Just the thought made fresh tears slide down her cheeks all over again.

And the lump in her throat had only multiplied, of course.

Lily stood up and loosened the cashmere scarf she'd been wearing around her neck. Then she scooted her daughter's legs aside gently so that she could take a seat on the couch just beside her, beginning to stroke the teen's pale blonde hair and shake her head in sympathy before she even knew what was wrong.

"Serena, please. Talk to me sweetie."

Serena recalled a time when Lily would never call her daughter things like 'darling' or 'sweetie' and now that she thought about it, it was only after Dan came into the van der Woodsen's lives that Lily had begun to change for the better. It came as a sudden realization to her that the Humphreys were the ones who had saved the van der Woodsens. . .

So Serena just shut her eyes even tighter, hoping that if and when she reopened them she'd somehow find herself in an alternate universe where everything was back to where it was; back to being perfect. Where Blair's reputation wasn't ruined and she didn't hate Serena's ever fiber. Where Serena didn't have to choose between her relationship with Dan and her mother's relationship with Rufus. Where she didn't find herself crying alone in a hotel suite for two hours straight until her mother finally came to console her at six thirty p.m.

"My whole life has fallen apart," Serena finally responded, her lower lip quivering involuntarily. She knew she sounded a bit dramatic and almost exactly like Blair, but what could one expect after Serena had broken up with the only guy she'd ever loved and found herself basically abandoned in her time of need? . . .She needed Blair's shoulder to cry on.

"Oh, Serena," Lily sighed and leaned over to kiss her daughter on the forehead. "I know it may seem like that now, but as my grandmother used to tell me whenever I cried, 'This too shall pass.'" She tucked a strand of Serena's long blonde hair behind the ear and locked eyes with the girl, offering her a hopeful smile. "Everything will be okay. I promise."

Serena wiped her eyes and sat up, grabbing the silk throw pillow she'd been resting her head on and hugging it to her chest. She couldn't bring herself to look at Lily, though, because she was afraid that if she looked at her mother she'd start blaming her for her break up with Dan. And she knew that would be wrong.

"I, uhm. . . I broke up with Dan, mom," she whispered.

Lily's hand flew up to her chest in that innate-mother sort of way and Serena was sure she looked taken aback, but she still couldn't look up to meet her mom's eyes to be sure. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Come here." She pulled her daughter into a tight hug and closed her eyes. She honestly knew what it felt like to lose her first love, especially so suddenly.

When the hug was finally broken, Lily took Serena's chin into her hand and locked eyes with her daughter, who seemed a bit reluctant to do so. "But why? Why did the two of you break up?"

Serena contemplated whether or not she should come out with the truth to her mother.

On the one hand, if she did, then her decision would probably seem more rational and less horrible. But on the downside, if her mother knew the real reason she'd broken it off with Dan, she'd no doubt break Rufus' heart beyond repair to spare her daughter's. . . And if Serena didn't tell her mother, she'd have to feel ten times worse about dumping Dan than she already did and also face the guilt that came with lying so bluntly.

When did life get so horribly complicated? When had Serena finally crossed the line and found herself tangled in a web so full of deceit and lies and painful decisions?

Letting a shaky breath escape her lips, Serena finally looked her mom dead in the eye and opened her mouth to speak: "I know about you and Rufus."

Lily's hands dropped to her lap and she immediately began picking at a loose thread that was jutting out from the skirt she'd purchased at Berdorf's last weekend. A sinking feeling rose in her stomach and now it was she who was avoiding the eyes of her daughter. She knew it was no use asking her daughter how she could possibly know such a tender piece of information.

"I saw the two of you at Dan's house earlier," said Serena as if reading her mother's mind. Her voice was void of emotion, but only because she was so used to hiding it. Inside, she felt herself coming apart at the seams.

Lily's glassy blue eyes flicked over to Serena, her eyebrows furrowed with remorse and sadness. "Serena, I cannot begin to explain how sorry I am for doing this. . ." She swallowed hard. "I know you're in love with Dan and you asked me to stop seeing Rufus, but I--"

"Mom, stop." Serena placed her hand on her mother's in an attempt to comfort her. "It should be me apologizing to you. Look, I should have never been so selfish in asking you to stop seeing the one man you actually cared about. I. . ." Tears had begun spilling down her face before she even knew it. The only reason she'd even noticed them was because she felt them dripping onto the pair of True Religion jeans she was wearing.

". . .I'm just so sorry, mom."

They both hugged eachother once again and this time they only stopped when Lily put two and two together. She leaned back against the couch and gazed into her daughter's eyes in search for an honest answer, just in case Serena didn't give her one. "Wait. . . Serena, did you break up with Dan because of what Rufus and I were talking about in his loft? Did you overhear us?"

Serena sat there in silence for a moment and then stood up, extracting herself from her mother's gentle grip and walking over to the front door where she picked up the damp coat she'd dropped earlier. "I'm going to go take a shower, mom. I'll be back out in a minute."

Lily stood up quickly and grabbed her daughter by the arm. "Serena, if that's what this is really about then you need to tell me. Because if we really want it all to work out, then it will. You can't just give up on the one person you honestly love when one silly little bump in the road comes along. Rufus and I, you and Dan - if it's meant to be, then it will happen, Serena. . . I should know. Even after all of these years of Rufus and I not speaking, we bump into eachother a few months ago all by coincidence?" She smiled that small, hopeful smile down at her daughter. "We both know better."

Serena's eyes remained unfocused on anything in particular, but Lily hoped she was getting through to her.

Then finally the teen responded: "Really, mother. . ." Her voice was still hoarse and so soft that Lily could barely hear her. "I haven't showered since SoHo and I'm drenched in rainwater."

And with that, she turned on her heels and disappeared around a corner, her footsteps echoing around the hotel suite even as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.


I think it's actually sweet the way L doesn't want her daughter to lead a life like hers or make the same mistakes she made. . . But that's just me.

you know you love me.
xoxo; gossip girl